My mother went home to be with the Lord almost 3 months ago, after years of battling serious health issues. I try to find comfort in all the good memories I have of her. One of the things I miss about her is our shared love of true crime stories; we both loved to watch shows like “Dateline”, “48 Hours”, as well as some of the stories on the Investigation Discovery channel and the Oxygen channel.
Whenever we discussed what we’d watched, our talks would always include our amazement at just how truly evil some people are–like, there REALLY are people living and walking among us who are so greedy they would murder (or have someone else murder) a loved one just so they can get their filthy hands on their money. I’m talking about women having their husbands murdered, or men having their wives murdered– or children having their parents murdered! For money! Lord knows I have been in need–but I would never kill someone I loved just to get their money.
But you know what? I have to remind myself that the reason I could never do that, is because God has allowed me to have a relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ. He has been working in me and I know that, had my life gone in a different direction, had I been exposed to people or circumstances for the enemy to use to plant a bitter root in my soul, I could have ended up being one of those people. I realize that if I don’t stay “prayed up”–if I don’t continue to abide in Jesus, if I don’t continue to feed on His Word and fellowship with Him and His people–I could still go to the dark side!
I have always had an interest in psychology, so there’s a part of me that wonders to myself (while watching these true crime shows): what part of your soul has to be “turned off” to be able to do something like that and not feel ANY sorrow or remorse? How can a woman/man murder the mother/father of their children for money, and think that’s an okay thing to do? While trying to understand the thought processes, I don’t want my mind to go too far into identifying with that “dark side”, because honestly–I find it absolutely terrifying! Maybe it’s terrifying to me because I realize that I’d be so far away from God and His heart for me, and that’s a place I don’t want to be– I’ve already had my many years of living in the wilderness (and I was already far enough from God even then), and I don’t want to even skate “close to the edge”!
So, as I watch these shows and hear the true stories, I shake my head–thinking to myself: “How evil! That’s just horrible!” Lately, I find myself actually saying to myself, ” I can only hope that, while he/she is in prison, they come to know Christ, and then have true godly sorrow– not just remorse– over what they did.” Then, I begin to thank and praise God that He didn’t allow me to go to that very dark place, and I continue to ask for and thank Him for His help to keep me from going there. This is something I must do, because I can’t stay away from that dark side without His help–the minute I start thinking I can do it on my own, I will be in deep trouble!
God is my only reliable Source of help, strength, and encouragement– that’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth!